Between Blinks

Observations of a modern-day hermit/law student/traffic warden.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Pot calls the kettle black

I've been away for a little bit and didn't update about my eye. But to shorten a very short story - it was a huge anti-climax - as by the time i had my next shift, the major swelling had gone. Plus, a black eye on a black guy, isn't so obvious. Joe P couldn't care less anyway, and probably doesn't even look me the in eye. I am a uniform - no more, no less. The only person who noticed (and said something) was my local shopkeeper, after i'd finished work - but he's just odd.

A couple of shifts later, the two funniest drivers i've bumped into recently showed the crazed, (usually) repressed rage that mark us out as true, queue-joining UK residents:

Case 1
I'm walking alongside a long stream of traffic when i see (or rather hear!) a silver saloon haring down the wrong side of the road, and turning into a side road - narrowly missing an oncoming Micra being driven by a very scared looking Indian chick.

Silver Saloon guy decides that after making such a scene, it is best to park on the nearest double-yellows and go about his obviously 'very urgent business'. I observed, i logged, i issued. (That's going to be my new motto - it would sound great in Latin! Translation anyone?)

About 15mins later, i again hear the revving of engines and look across the road to see the same Silver Saloon trying to back out of the narrow side-road - onto the main road - forcing the 206 driver behind him to reverse too. The Saloon guy literally bullies the 206 into backing out. Saloon's window's wound down and he's shouting expletives, but i just assume that it is temporary frustration at being given a ticket...it happens! I look away - continuing to scribble in my pocketbook. When i look back about 15 seconds later i see his car straddling the main road - door open - and he's out of the car running past buses and MPV's down the middle of the high road - shouting and swearing away. He then throws a punch - while he's running! - at a car about 10metres away. Along with the rest of the onlookers, i'm just stunned at this point - the guy is plainly nuts.

As he swaggers back up the middle of the road to his waiting car he sees me. All of the rage and frustration that he obviously had, crystalized into a look of utter contempt and a barrage of asterisk-filled metaphors. In his twisted 'pot-can-call-the-kettle-whatever-he-wants' logic...i'm the bad guy! At this point i say - stifling laughter - "Have a nice day sir!" in the most professional voice i can manage. It was raining, windy and cold...but Silver Saloon cheered me up nicely!

I'll tell you about the other guy in the next post.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not eactly literal but close, I think... Vigilo! Describio! Exorior!

4/11/05 09:12  
Blogger themisterman said...

Thanks. It has panache - but doesn't it also sound a bit like a Harry Potter spell?

4/11/05 16:12  
Blogger MuppetLord said...

wow...what a nutcase.

4/11/05 20:14  
Blogger Spike said...

Ten bucks says this nutter was on his way to an anger management class.

25/1/06 04:02  
Anonymous An Irish Warden said...

Well it takes all sorts and I don't mean the Liquorice one either.

11/9/06 14:31  

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